The Rob Chronicles

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1131: "Why don't you go fuck yourself?"

2006-01-30T16:52:49Z

Yeah, that seems about right. On both accounts.

Today was very trying. It was the first day of classes for the new semester at Dowling (The Personally Gay College) and I was decked out in Yankee stuff from head to toe, looking dapper, cute as hell (if I say so myself, fuck-face).

After sitting through an abreviated "Literature Arguments" class, I had about a half-hour, so I went to the bookstore to use Papa's credit card to buy my books. The chubby bookstore girl assists me and I'm carrying all the books I need (except "The Great Gatsby", as I already own it, bitch), and when I reach the counter, I place the books down, the woman rings it up (375 bucks, yikes), and scans the credit card (which, as far as I know, has not been used since I LAST bought textbooks back in September).

It comes up "Cannot Read, please scan again." She does so. Same results. Again. Same results.

I grow frustrated, but I keep my cool with her. She eventually goes "I can't seem to get this to work, sir" and I go "Fuck. Alright, I'll be back." and leave the heap of books on the counter and storm out, surrounded by greasy-hot girls and dumb-looking guinea guys (even though I'm sorta' one of them).

Angry, I call my Sister, who relaxes me a bit. Then I see the cute girl from my CIS class last semester. Looking cute as ever. She's looking right at me. I'm sitting in my car. In a handicapped spot in front of the building. The irony of it all. I'm not handicapped, because I cheat the system. Though my tendonitis is pretty bad, I refuse to acknowledge it or slow me down.

She pulls out her cell phone, and calls someone. I sit there dumbfounded. Realizing how ironic this all is.

I try to find a close spot to the Science Center, but cannot. I drive around back, but find it's for the security douches only. I say fuck it and drive back to where I was, only to realize "Hey, this goes behind the building!"

I drive the small road behind the Science Center, only to come within a few feet of the water, driving onto the grass slightly.

I turn around, drive to the "Performance Arts Center" (lol) and park in there.

I cross the street to the Science Center, but as I approach, the gate closes.

I take that as a sign and say "Fuck it ... I'm outty five thousand." Not aloud, of course, internally. My internal monologue, if you will.

I get in my car, change CDs (Local H to Reel Big Fish's first and still awesome album, "Turn The Radio Off").

I drive very fast, realizing I'm skipping my second class of the day on the very first day of classes. Fuck it. There'll be other classes.

I drive to Sunrise and go right, jonsing for McDonald's, as it's the only thing to drown my "sorrows", lol. I just want a burger. Badly.

I order my food at the Oakdale McDonald's. At the first window (where one pays for their grub), they fuck up my order beyond recognition. I re-order. 8 dollhairs or something.

I get my food, race home, and on the Southern State, I decide to go the long way, all the way to the Park, and take the back roads home. Relaxing. Like in the old days.

It's complicated and annoying days like these that make me wish I had lied to the recruiter.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1130: "Wow ..."

2006-01-29T09:22:39Z

ATTENTION! ACHTUNG! (baby)

The hottest woman on Earth:

Misty May, US Volleyball Team

Has been replaced by:

Miwa Oshiro, some Japanese model.

Thank you, you may go about your business.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1129: "My latest and new favorite YTMND ..."

2006-01-27T21:12:41Z

http://littlejeans.ytmnd.com/
Thoughts? Comments? Anyone know what that's from?

Extra credit if you get it.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1128: "Damn."

2006-01-26T16:56:51Z

RIP: Chris Penn, aka: "Nice Guy Eddie"

Why do cool underrated actors kill themselves or OD or whatever? What the fuck, come on!

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1127: "Holy shit."

2006-01-26T05:46:43Z

Anyone else been tempted to buy "Monster Ballads"? With Winger and fucking Scorpions and Queensryche on it?

I am.

But I'll DL the tunes instead.

Especially since I'm on a sorta' Nelson kick right now.

Yeah, fuck ya'.

Tomorrow's my last day of Winter classes.

In other news, I have no idea what day the next semester (Spring?) starts. Please God let me have like, a week off.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1124: "On the bandwagon ..."

2006-01-24T02:05:24Z

I did that Myheritage thingy, and here's what came up using this picture:

(please note that the Tall Man from "Phantasm" is behind me)

And these came up:

Keira Knightley (who looks so fuckable in this picture, it's disgusting)

Uma Thurman? How the fuck ...?

Haha, what!?

This one makes me happy as hell. One of my boyhood heroes, Stan Lee.

Another one that makes me happy. Lead singer of my favorite band, Bono.

"Freejack" himself. Mick fucking Jagger. This can't be true.

You wanna' talk some jive? I can talk some jive. John Coltrane, everyone.

That is, without a doubt, the weirdest shit ever.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1123: "Why haven't you?"

2006-01-23T19:24:19Z

Why haven't you seen this movie?

"The Way Of The Gun"

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1122: "I still have a boner."

2006-01-22T08:02:54Z

Yes, for the "SH" film, I still carry wood.

Anyways, stolen like whoa:

You scored as Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars). The world around you is at war. Fortunately you know how to handle that with the greatest of ease. You are one of the best at what you do and no one needs to tell you that. Now if only the droids could be quiet for five seconds.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

</td>

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

100%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

94%

Moya (from Farscape)

88%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

81%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

75%

Serenity (from Firefly)

69%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

63%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

50%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1121: "Oh my God ..."

2006-01-20T02:23:31Z

I know I say this whenever I see a trailer that looks great, but honestly, I have a boner right now:
http://us.rd.yahoo.com/movies/trailers/1808718754/1809256111/?http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/mf/frame?theme=minfo&lid=qtv-100-p.1401397-161557,qtv-300-p.1401398-161557,qtv-700-p.1401399-161557,wmv-56-p.1401400-161557,wmv-100-p.1401401-161557,wmv-300-p.1401402-161557,wmv-700-p.1401403-161557,qtv-56-p.1401396-161557,qtv-28-p.1401396-161557,wmv-28-p.1401400-161557&id=1808718754&f=1808718754&mspid=1809256111&type=t

"Silent Hill" the movie = Looking FUCKING REMARKABLE.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1120: "Another bad idea ..."

2006-01-19T04:10:16Z

http://www.chud.com/index.php?type=news&id=5728

THIS:

To Play THIS:

If Howard was cast to replace what's her name ... fuckin' ... Kirsten Dunst, yeah, I'd be fine. But this DOES NOT WORK. The 3rd film opens with them married already. By this point in "Spiderman" history, Gwen is long fucking dead. And don't get all gay and say "Oh, well, she was cloned, haven't you read the new blah blah" NO, I haven't, because new "Spiderman" sucks cock, with the exception of "Spiderman - Blue", which, this film is not.

Sam Raimi needs to stop fucking up "Spiderman". Go make another piece of shit "Army Of Darkness" flick and collect the monsterous cash you'll get from the fucking dimwits who actually like that movie.

"Spiderman" is too precious to me to see fucked up like this.

This just sucks.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1119: "Let's do it!"

2006-01-17T07:29:49Z

Finally, after 11 years of wondering, saw this movie:

And boy, did it fucking own. I'm not kidding, either. I really like it. The music, the characters, the direction, the production, I loved it all. A fun ass ride all the way through.

Wild stuff, people.

Watched the Golden Globes and am not at all surprised "Brokeback Mountain" won best picture. Everyone is cumming on this movie like it's something they discovered. I'm not an Ang Lee fan. How do you fuck up "Hulk"? HOW!? Somehow, though, he did. Thusly, my interest in a visually beautiful movie is at a low.

My parents, by the way, have been gone for 3 days on their 21-day venture across Florida and into the Gulf of Mexico. Pretty awesome, I guess. 21 days to myself.

Not good. I get paranoid that the dog is alright, because he doesn't seem to drink from his water bowl, but scarfs down the cubies I give him, though they aren't plenty. Then again, it snowed and when he come sin from outside, his face is covered in it sometimes, so, maybe he's eating snow.

He's eating, too, so I guess he's fine. But still. I'm nervous.

Golden Globes = Thumbs down overall. I'll be skipping the Oscars too, because they seem to have run out of talented hosts and decided on John Stewart, a guy I like as an actor, but not as a stand-up or a "political commentary guy" or whatever.

Watched one of my all-time favorite movies yesterday on DVD - "Narc". If you haven't seen it, you're out of your fucking mind, because it's amazing.

See "Tank Girl" and "Narc", kids. That is all.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1118: "More revelations ..."

2006-01-13T17:52:10Z

I think of/realize the weirdest shit in the mornings, today, 2 topics we all care about:

1) "Star Wars"

2) "Super Mario Brothers"

First off, "Star Wars":

BOTH Obi-Wan and Yoda inform Luke that Darth Vader (then unknown to Luke that the Dark Lord is, in fact, his Daddy) tracked down the Jedi across the galaxy, pwning them and just like, kicking their asses. This, according to "Episode 3", is obviously bullshit. So, the almighty Jedi (the supposed pinnacle of good and justice in the Galaxy) are shown as spin doctors, like modern day politicians, twisting the truth to their own end.

So, in other words, Luke led the Rebellion to war under false pretenses. I know someone will make a Bush joke or whatever, but yeah, it's true. If Luke knew the truth of why his Dad turned, he probably would've been like "Fuck this Jedi shit ..." and joined his Dad.

NOW:

In "Super Mario Brothers", we were all too excited to be playing a videgame at home to realize something:

What the fuck were Mario and Luigi doing in the Mushroom Kingdom? Why wouldn't they just go back up the pipe they came through to get back to New York? Why stick around? When you look at guys wearing mushrooms on their heads and turtles with fucking wings, you're not gonna' stick around, I'm sorry, that's just fucking nuts.

Conclusion: Mario and Luigi were either dreaming the whole thing (a la "Mario 2") OR they were stupid enough to not kno how to get back meanwhile they just fucking got there.

Okay, think upon that. Comment, discuss, etc.

Booyah.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1116: "Stand up and face the enemy!"

2006-01-10T18:36:34Z

An open letter to Best Buy:

"Dear Best Buy,

What happened to the good ole' days when a new DVD would come out and you guys would have it for like, 15 bucks on sale for a week or two? Did that go out the window when the gas prices went up? When Sharon went into a coma? When the fuck did that happen?

I just purchased 'Transporter 2' and 'Red Eye', luckily, I had a 15-dollar gift card, which reduced the price. But still, dicks. 19.99 a pop is rough. Niggas be broke these days.

Also, where are your Xbox 360s? Why do you have games but NOT the system? Where's your logic in that?

By March 30th, you better have the 360 readily stocked. The 400-dollar one, too, bitch, not this 300-dollar bullshit. I want the hard drive, the fucking headset, all of it, baby. I'm saving up now, bitch. Get it ready. I want it by the 30th. I'll have a boatload more cash by then.

That is all.

Hearts and kisses,

Rob O, LI, NY.

PS - Fuck you if you don't like Pat Benetar"

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1115: "Why I hate Job Interviews Episode 2: War Of Wills"

2006-01-09T14:12:57Z

That title makes no sense, but yeah, this is about the interview I just had with the GM and the Assistant GM of the Ducks, "The Two Mikes" I call them.

The position: Intern for the Long Island Ducks, in the ticket office. Something I sort've wanted a while now.

The interview: The GM, Mike Hirsch (asshole Jew extraordinaire) commented that he didn't like how I was dressed (track jacket, jeans, boots), meanwhile I keep it casual always.

Same ole' shit. Questions of my "attitude" arose. I don't care. I guess that's what they mean, lol.

My view: Fuck it. If I don't get it, I'll take my music-playing job again and make more than any intern would anyway, and potentially look at another interesting option that was proposed by my (of all people) Podiatrist, in terms of a sports-related job. This one in the MAJOR FUCKING LEAGUES.

The only problem is, it would involve a drive to Queens every day. That's a big fucking hint as to what team I could potentially work for. ;)

Anyhoo, that's about it.

How are you?

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1114: "Better late than never."

2006-01-08T03:11:00Z

First, my latest YTMND: http://listonn00b.ytmnd.com/ (thanks to Sauce1977 for the pic, which I stole ages ago).

Ten Best Movies I Saw In 2005:

10) "Munich" - Spielberg returns after wading in a shitty mess that was "War of the Worlds" and brings us something beautiful, angry, aggressive. Perfect.

9) "Wedding Crashers" - Funny. Ridiculous. Much needed.

8) "The Exorcism Of Emily Rose" - Invoking dread the likes of which hasn't been done in a while, it has a lot in common thematically, not so much story wise with ...

7) "Dark Water" - Jennifer Connolly is hot. No doubt. But this movie goes beyond with a classy ghost story reminiscent of "The Changeling" and "Ghost Story". Scary, sad, all amazing things for a "horror movie" to have.

6) "Batman Begins" - How perfect can you get? People bitched about a lot of things, but this is as close to perfect as you can get, in terms of superhero film.

5) "Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance" - Not a 2005 release, but that's not the list, is it? Intricately woven story of revenge and hatred and a kidnapping gone awry. Add it to your Netflix if you're cool.

4) "Uzumaki" - It's crazy how erect I am for certain Asian films, isn't it? Not a new one, but terrifying, intense, and just fucking awesome. Reminds me of "The Exorcist", but only because the director experiments with some Billy Friedkin cerebral fucks.

3) "The Mission" - Scheduled for remake by Peter Berg (which I'm all for), this is a Chinese gangster movie as told by reality. No high-octane gun battles or car chases, just very realistic gunplay with a simple, yet realistic story.

2) "High Tension" - I picked this up at Chiller just for the fuck of it. Loved it. Best director debut since John Carpenter with "Assault on Precinct 13".

1) "Oldboy" - Saw it in March of 2005. Poo on you if you didn't see this coming. The movie I haven't stopped thinking about since the day I saw it. Once you see it, maybe you'll feel the same way.

Honorable Mentions: "Jarhead", "Walk The Line", "Flightplan".

WORST SHIT OF 2005:

4) "The Devil's Rejects" - Fuck you, Rob Zombie. Way to let a lifetime fan down.

3) "The Fog" - Rupert Wainright must die. This shit sucked ballz. With a "z".

2) "Alexander" - Blegh. The shittiest story about one of the coolest historical figures ever made.

1) "War Of The Worlds" - Thanks for shitting on 9/11 with your "ode" to it, Steve, well done. *fart noise*

Honorable Mentions: If they sucked this much, they're not worth mentioning.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1113: "This can't be!"

2006-01-05T18:18:41Z

I've downloaded Kevin Federline's tune "PopZao". Don't ask why. I'm embarassed enough.

It's the worst song I've ever heard in my life. But I can't stop listening to it.

What is happening!??

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1112: "This one didn't come out as well as I wanted it to."

2006-01-04T17:04:58Z

http://abombadvantage.ytmnd.com/
My latest ...

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1111: "ALL ONES!!""11!!"

2005-12-31T16:16:55Z

http://gayforpider.ytmnd.com/
I made that YTMND. Feel free to love it or hate it.

Everyone have a happy and safe New Year's. Last year I got smashed. This year, I'll enter the "Twilight Zone".

OH! Just made this one, too:
http://halo2finebattle.ytmnd.com/

AND
Another:
http://masterchiefheadshot.ytmnd.com/

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1109: "Top Ten List!"

2005-12-28T17:56:37Z

"All-time Favorite Movie Trailers By Rob O."

10) "The Weather Man" (http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/the_weather_man/twm_trailerlrg.html)

9) "The Village" (http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/the_village/large.html)

8) "Spiderman" (The WTC teaser that had the crooks snared between the Towers at the end. Impossible to find now.)

7) "Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban" (http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/harry_potter-azkaban/teaser_large2.html)

6) "High Tension" (http://lionsgate.arcostream.net/lionsgate/high_tension/ht_trailer_1b_1500Kbps.wmv)

5) "Oldboy" (http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=6775)

4) "Don't Look Now" (impossible to find on-line, if I knew how to upload shit on here, I would, from the DVD)

3) "Narc" (http://us.rd.yahoo.com/movies/trailers/1808396403/1808438144/?http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/mf/frame?theme=minfo&lid=rnv-100-p.1111211-91947,rnv-300-p.1111212-91947,wmv-56-p.1111213-91947,wmv-100-p.1111214-91947,wmv-300-p.1111215-91947,rnv-56-p.1111210-91947,wmv-28-p.1111213-91947&id=1808396403&f=1808396403&mspid=1808438144&type=t)

2) "

---

It becomes abundantly clear to me that this is a next to impossible feat. The internet, which offers everything to everyone and anything ... suddenly becomes obsolete when it comes to finding some old fucking movie trailers.

How is this possible?

Anyways, I figure it best to quit while ahead and since I found a few, I'd say "Fuck it" and move on, but this sucks.

Do what you will with this list, lol.

Going to see "Munich" at 3 o'clock. Three hours of sweet Jewish revenge.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1108: "Christmas Was Boss"

2005-12-27T16:24:10Z

Christmas was neat-o. "Call of Cthulhu" is a fantastic and terrifying game, the first to really tackle the Lovecraftian mythos head on.

"Blitz The League" is like "Any Given Sunday", and has LT (my favorite football player of all time) in it, and it, too, is fantastic.

DVDs:

"Solaris" Criterion (the original)
"Insomnia" Criterion (original)
"Aeon Flux Collection"
"Beavis And Butthead Collection" (Beavis edition)
"Dark Blue" (best movie about the 90's made yet)
"Birthday Girl" (awesome)
"Star Wars Episode 3" ("NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!")
"Charles Bronson - One Step Beyond" (FOUR Bronson movies on one disc, bitches)
"The French Connection Collection" (two words: Roy fucking Scheider)
"KRUSH GROOVE" (yeah, that's right)
"Escape From NY - Special Edition" (Johnny C in the house)

Took my Mom to see "Wolf Creek" yesterday. It was such a disappointment. I love when films are compared to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and they aren't even as close to the beauty or brilliance of Tobe Hooper's flick.

Problem 1) I couldn't understand what the fuck they were saying. They're Australian. Sorry.
Problem 2) I couldn't give a shit about these characters in the slightest. Typical dickheads on a "Spring Break" kinda' thing. I see these idiots at school, to see them in movies get butchered is like a Christmas present unto itself.
Problem 3) Moments of intensity or just not intense enough. The camerawork is very "okay, here's how we show this" when it SHOULD BE "Let's see how we can show this in a new way".

The Positives:
- The one girl is super hot. With a great rack.
- The villain is very cheesy, but funny at the same time. And perverted.
- The torture scenes are alright. Albeit ... not brutal enough.

All in all, 1.5 out of 4.

On to Dowling to deal with beurocratic bullshit. I'm sure I spelled that word wrong. Fuck it.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1107: "Holiday Wishes"

2005-12-23T16:17:27Z

First off, the trailer for the remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" by Alexandre Aja, a director I love, who's first film was perfect all the way through, even though people talk shit about the ending ("High Tension"). Ted Levine is awesome. The chick from "Lost" I can't get excited about, because she does nothing for me in the slightest. No Michael Berryman, so, who knows, this could go either way.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/thehillshaveeyes/trailera/

Ps, if I don't have time to update (I may, but who knows):
Happy Holidays!

PS- This movie was nothing short of amazing, "Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance":

I want to see "Munich", but it's three hours long and supposedly not very good, but better than "Syriana", another flick I wanted to see, but probably won't.

In other news, I should be getting my first NETFLIX DVD today. "The Mission", a Japanese flick.

My Dad officially wants to see "Hostel" and "Munich", as well.

My brother Brian is home. Yay!

I have work later. Which sucks.

Okay, peace out everyone.

PPS- If Santa, for whatever reason, decides to drop http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1431940/ under my tree with a big red bow, I'm fine with that.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1106: "Another reason Brett Ratner should be horribly disfigured ..."

2005-12-22T15:20:30Z

This is Brett Ratner's X-Mas card to friends and shit. With him in the center as Wolverine. This guy needs to be rounded up, strung up, and brutalized, Biblical-style.

PS- OH YEAH! In other news, should I be worried that my Dad really wants to see "Hostel"?

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1105: "Silly tests!"

2005-12-20T23:41:49Z

Horny mind
[ Sex mind: 75% Selfishness: 33% ]

MIND score: HORNY
Sex makes you feel good, real good. It's one of the best thing in your life and you want to have it regularly and fulfil some fantasies, it doesn't mean you'd try anything with anyone, but if you find the right person(s), you might want to dedicate a lot of time just to this intense physical pleasure and to a variety of sexual games.

SELF score: you & me (no sign)
This is the average result, by far the most common. If we're not too wrong, this means you are fully aware sex is not a one-sided activity and though you are looking for your own satisfaction, you never forget to please your partner. The lower your score, the more you care about your partner's pleasure, the higher, the more important your own pleasure.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 82% on sex-o-meter

You scored higher than 30% on self-o-meter

Link: The Sexual Mind Test written by frailmind on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1104: "I'm ready to go off in your shit."

2005-12-18T18:22:09Z

I beat "GTA:SA" last night, and I have to say, overall, much better ending than "Vice City". Even though the characters are not as memorable and the locales aren't as great, the game was still crazy fun, especially toward the end, when everything started to unravel with Sam Jackson's character.

Anyways, I've been tagged, bitch!

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "Five Weird Habits of Yourself" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their five queer/weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list their names.

1) I bite my nails. I have like ... no nails, consequently.

2) I use the terms "pwned", "ownage", "schooled", "rolled over" in real life, for like, everyday shit. Even the smallest, slightly competetive thing, I use them. IE: Playing Jeopardy with my Dad, I say "You just got fucking PWNED!" after I win.

3) I still lift weights, even though I really don't see much definition, because I am, after all, a fat fuck. Been doing it for a long fucking time and it's weird because even though I'm strong, it's not like, a visual strength. I dunno, it's weird.

4) I have a man-crush on Ian Somerhalder, formerly of "Lost" and of "The Rules Of Attraction". He's pretty. Fuck you.

5) When I'm driving, I imagine myself in like, a massive car race or car chase. Like, I put on the soundtrack to "Prince Of Persia" or some KMFDM, and I speed like whoa on Sunrise and like, compete with the person next to me, even though they aren't competing and I'm like "Fuck, how do I get ahead of this guy!?", meanwhile, it's like ... just driving. I dunno.

I tag:
Lori, aka: beautifulcity
contrary921
Sauce1977
deaddogseye
nuage errant

These should be interesting if they do it. Muah ha ha.

The Rob Chronicles Chapter 1103: "Wow."

2005-12-18T05:35:49Z

Family Holiday Party was nice. Got "Funny Farm" on DVD, as well as a tire gauge. We did a grab bag secret Santa. Fun times all around.

Anyways, got home, watched MadTV (which is infinitely funnier than SNL nowadays), then switched over to NBC.

Watched two SNL skits.

Didn't laugh once.

SNL is garbage.

Nicole Parker of MadTV is sofa king cute.

Okay. "GTA:SA" time.